Thoughts on Training

What do we do when we are left alone to our own thoughts?
When the drive to push forward must come from within, and from within alone.
This is the time when we are truly tested.
The challenges are both internal, and external.
When we lose our place. Lose our certainty.
When there is no one there pushing you to do what's right.
When the thin glass house you were inside of shatters around you, and you're the only one who sees the walls come down.
You lose your identity, and your purpose.

I cannot get the words out of my mind:
"それはかんぺきでわない、だからかんぺき。"
 It is not perfect, therefore it is perfect.

In the past year I have seen how fruitless my efforts have been.
I have also seen how amazing and inspiring I am.
I have seen myself floating, isolated, and alone.
I have also seen myself surrounded, praised, and loved.

All of our interactions in our lives can be seen from many angles and perspectives. It is how we relate and witness these exchanges that define who we are.
I've had the rug ripped from beneath my feet, and at the same time, been offered the opportunity to learn how to fall.
It is important when we realize that the opportunity is there. We realize that it is not about why we fell down, how it happened, or whose fault it is. But that we stand back up, and feel the ground underneath our feet for the first time.
Feel the cool, wooden floor, for the first time.
Most people are supremely and entirely focused on trying to remain standing on those two feet; never allowing themselves to become vulnerable.
Certainly now that we have our feet against the solid ground, we may come out with a few splinters. But in this way, we will learn that we are never in control. And no matter how hard we choose to fight it, that there is no way to outsmart the ground.